Understanding my love language…
I’ve not written anything for a few months, and I have my reasons, but today I wanted to talk about the fuel tank. I don’t mean the one in my car, which I have the terrible habit of letting run too low. I’m talking about the gas gage in all of us. The love tank.
On my journey, I’ve learned that we all speak different love languages. Stop rolling your eyes, its entirely true and honestly many troubled marriages, relationships, friendships, and business partnerships would have a fighting chance if everyone took a breath and tried to understand each other.
I take zero credit for the phrase “Love Languages.” That entire concept was learned when I listened to the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It changed my entire life. Especially because for a brief lapse in sanity I attempted to “online date.” Dr. Chapman states “there are five emotional love languages- five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.” I’m not going to go in depth into all the five love languages, but I am going to encourage you HIGHLY to read the book, listen to the audible, study the book and truly begin to understand the people around you. It will improve every single relationship in your life. Including the one, you have with yourself. I’ll add a link to the audible book below.
For the longest time, I didn’t even know what exactly I needed to fill the emotional needs of my life. I’ve met so many people who say things like, “I’ll stay single forever” or “There’s no good men/women left in the world.” We weren’t designed to be single. We were intended to be in fellowship and relationship with others, and no cats do not count as life partners.
I honestly struggled with depression because two marriages had ended. What did that say about me? Well, I know now, that it had everything to do with not knowing or expressing what I needed to feel loved. Plus I wasn’t good at interpreting what they needed to feel loved. As my gas gage emptied over the years, I didn’t know why I didn’t feel loved. My journey to self-discovery started well over two years ago when I started going therapy and chipping away at the relationships that weren’t working. We discussed every single person in my life, breaking down the relationships. We started with those that seemed to be going well, then onto toxic relationships, and lastly those essential relationships that were running on empty.
The result was a better understanding of me and what I have to contribute to the world. It also resulted in ending some relationships and friendships or at least changing the dynamic of the association because it wasn’t healthy anymore.
Once I discovered what my primary love language was, I started recognizing when I wasn’t feeling my best, and instead of filling my heart with the wrong things, I filled myself with self-acceptance, independent thinking and I learned who I am. Healing takes time, self-love and forgiveness. I am grateful to be at a place in my life where I can see the people in my life for who they are and what they mean to me.
Dr Gary Chapman https://www.5lovelanguages.com
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.